Powers Irish and Poker

(This post mostly belongs on FtN which may make a comeback soon.) I had a poker night at my house last night for the first time in what feels like forever, but is actually probably a month. We ended up shorthanded with only four of us at the table, but that actually ended up being rather nice — We only got distracted from the game a couple times and probably ended up playing more hands than we do with six.

My homegame consists of guys from my workplace. Occasionally that means we gossip like bitties at the backyard fence, but mostly it means we are often in similar moods thanks to the current "atmosphere" at work. Let's just say Matt got things rolling when he whipped out the flask I gave him for being my best man at my wedding. He was rolling with a pocket full of Jameson, which eventually led to a rather deep discussion of whiskeys (focusing on bourbon and Irish). By the end of the night Neal has taken a small dent out of my bottle of Bulleit, I have poured myself a couple fingers of Powers, and Dave has had "sips" from pretty much everyone else's cup.

The poker ended up being rather incidental, but for the record:

  • Dave and Matt both went through their initial $10 buy-in and re-bought for another $5. Both finished with their five dollars, roughly.
  • Matt was peculiarly cursed. He got dealt 6-2 off-suit a record seven times.
  • Neal ended up with $11, and I took $29.
  • I like to think I'm good at a shorthanded table, but truth be told I caught a handful of straights and several other good hands. I still played pretty poorly — It just didn't matter much last night.

That's the poker. The whiskey's magic had only begun. I slept like I was possessed of demons. I can only hope I wasn't crawling all over my poor, dear wife. I had dreams – the details of which mostly escape me, but it's unusual for me to even remember dreaming – of "test driving" two vehicles, one of which was a large pickup with two steering wheels. I guess in case you wanted the passenger to take over...?

The test drives were also road trips involving a handful of women who seemed to have more drama going on in their lives than the Desperate Housewives (no doubt a dream analog to our back fence gossiping). At one point we were all gathered in my kitchen, which was laid out like my current house but featured the wacky knotty pine cabinets of the house we occupied in Quincy, MA. Why the whiskey devils put me in the position of herding these particular cats, I can't exactly imagine.

I'm just not sure if I want to stay away from the Powers now, or have some more...

What immortal hand or eye...

Trackers Kill Tiger in Ventura County

The decision by government trackers to use high-powered rifles instead of tranquilizer darts to bring down the elusive cat outraged animal rights activists. But state officials said they had no alternative but to shoot to kill, because the animal could have attacked or bolted onto a highway or into a public park nearby.

I agree with Tippi Hedren, though... They could have at least tried sedating it first with the big guns at the ready.

I just want them to string up whomever brought the cat to suburbia in the first place.

More Suburban Chaos

In case a home invasion/robbery isn't exciting enough for the soccer moms... Last night we were disturbed by (at least) a pair of police helecopters (or maybe they were just news choppers, don't really know) hovering over our whitebread 'hood like we we suddenly in Compton or something. While it was fun for me to watch the flyboys zoom around — they were a lot higher than I expected considering our walls were shaking, it was more than a little creepy overall.

Turns out some ass was trying to shake Johnny Law in a car chase that went right around our neck of the woods.

I can think of a handful of possible locations for that sign the police officer ran into. All of them are within maybe a mile of my house.

The Great White Hope

Mesi to Submit Further Medical Tests; Hearing on Hold

Mesi (29-0) was the WBC's top-ranked contender before falling out of the ratings entirely in October. The suburban Buffalo native has been suspended indefinitely, pending a review of his medical records, since winning a unanimous decision over Vassiliy Jirov in Las Vegas last March.

Mesi hung on for the win, knocked down three times in the final two rounds, and sustained a subdural hematoma - bleeding on the brain.

I enjoyed the one Mesi fight I've seen (don't remember if it was the Jirov contest, but you'd assume so). He's the first heavyweight in a while to really pique my interest.

Ooh! Regarding the title, Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson is a fantastic show.

Good Hockey News

Since the NHL sucks, let's review some nice happenings in the hockey world, shall we?

Now, if only I could get NESN broadcasts of BU hockey games here in Denver...

Joel Stein is a funny guy

Someone Has To Miss Hockey

Being a hockey fan was my way of seeming special. So I hope when the NHL comes back, probably not until 2007, it doesn’t try to revamp itself for the masses. There are lots of suggestions: making the goals bigger or the goalie pads smaller; getting rid of the red line; eliminating fighting; having monkeys drive Zambonis; putting strippers in the penalty box. Some of those ideas might be mine.

Oh, no... Keep the Simianistas away from our Zamboni technology, son.

Big Drama in Small Town, USA

Newspaper Ad Leads To Home Invasion, Robbery

James Reynolds told investigators that around 8:30 p.m. three gunmen burst into his apartment at the Cascade Village complex in Westminster and staged a take-over style robbery. They bound him and then took off with a lot of his electronic equipment, including a plasma TV that he had advertised for sale in the newspaper, Westminster police said.

When the robbers fled, Reynolds freed himself of his restraints, ran to a neighbor's apartment for help and called police. He told investigators that he recognized one of the attackers as a prospective buyer whom he had invited into his apartment and shown his TV to earlier in the day.

The North Denver suburbs are becoming more and more like a soap opera every day.

The folks at Engadget might just have a point when they say maybe he should have used eBay...

Cyborg Monkeys Are Here!

Brain controls robot arm in monkey, University of Pittsburgh researcher reports at AAAS

The concept is that, through thought alone, a person could direct a robotic arm – a neural prosthesis – to reach and manipulate a desired object.

As a step toward that goal, University of Pittsburgh researchers report that a monkey outfitted with a child-sized robotic arm controlled directly by its own brain signals is able to feed itself chunks of fruits and vegetables. The researchers trained the monkey to feed itself by using signals from its brain that are passed through tiny electrodes, thinner than a human hair, and fed into a specially designed algorithm that tells the arm how to move.

Um... Holy crap!

Next thing you know, they'll have frickin' LASER beams mounted to their skulls!

Conserve! No, wait...

States Mull Taxing Drivers By Mile

And that saves him almost $300 a month in gas. It's great for Just but bad for the roads he's driving on, because he also pays a lot less in gasoline taxes which fund highway projects and road repairs. As more and more hybrids hit the road, cash-strapped states are warning of rough roads ahead.

This stuff makes me batty.

Here in Colorado, we've had a drought going for the past several years. Of course, all the powers that be tell us we have to conserve water — even going so far as to start up police patrols to ticket people who water their lwans on the wrong days. Then what happens? Well, the water people lose revenue and have to raise water rates!

It's like nobody is thinking about the consequences of conservation. I mean, really. Conservation means consuming less. That's going to cost someone some money. The "powers that be" need to think about these things before it becomes an issue.

Reactionary Big Brother shenanigans are not a proper incentive for beneficial (and important) behavior changes.