Somehow, this is in the Scotsman rather than the Onion…
Stalin’s half-man, half-ape super-warriors
The Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.
Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia’s top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.
This sounds like an issue of Hellboy or something… Jesus!
Obviously, Stalin was a stone-cold nutter. I can’t believe Lenin was the only one with syphilis rumors surrounding him… (Ah, there are Stalin-Pox ideas after the fact, it seems.)
I wonder if he also had a separate Sleestak breeding program.
(I honestly considered saving this post until tomorrow so the title could say 24….)
I can’t even tell you how super-psyched I am about the return of 24. The idea of a two-part, four hour premiere makes me need a change of underwear.
Despite my love for the show (and my man-crush on Mister Kiefer — whose birthday is today… how about that?), I have heretofore avoided purchasing the DVD sets for the past four seasons. Now, though, I read this:
This loaded 7-disk set includes the ground-breaking Season 5 Prequel bridging seasons 4 and 5 shot on location exclusively for the DVD.
Well, shit.
It’ll have to wait until after the Saturnalia, but I may have to consider grabbing it before the January 15 premiere…
——
Bonus: Top 30 Random Facts about Jack Bauer (I love these things.)
Judge allows Mesi to return to the ring
Heavyweight Joe Mesi, sidelined since suffering bleeding on the brain after a 2004 bout, won a chance Monday to return to the ring when a state judge ruled his medical suspension expired when his Nevada boxing licence expired.
Wha-huh?! I have stated previously that I had high hopes for Joe Mesi and that I wished he’d be healthy enough to return to boxing, but getting to come back by way of a loophole the size of a Mack truck… Well… I just hope his brain holds up is all I’m going to say.
I’m A-Start Some Drama
“That song is like The Ring,” I explained. “You have to pass it on, or you die.”
I am ashamed to say how much I let myself enjoy the last two Black Eyed Peas albums.
Oh, well.
Seed: Girls Gone Wild … for Monkeys
The researchers found that while straight men are only aroused by females of the human variety, straight women are equally aroused by all human sexual activity, including lesbian, heterosexual and homosexual male sex, and at least somewhat aroused by nonhuman sex.
…
“There’s the possibility that genital response for women is not necessarily imbued with meaning about her sexual interests,” says Chivers. She also emphasized that her findings do not imply women harbor a latent desire for lesbian sex or bestiality.
What’s actually surprising is that the guys had such a selective response. You’d think just the idea of sex would be enough to get some response from most fellows.
Today I emailed Ricky Gervais for three reason:
- His podcasts are so funny, you’ll hurt yourself. (Mad props for the recommendation, Da Kine.)
- I was a bit worried he and his cohorts were taking the Cambodian midget/lion hoax a bit too seriously. I’m sure they were going for comedic effect, but I sent them the Snopes link anyway.
- They do Monkey News! I do monkey news, too!!
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